"Insecurity"

It's been said that the first book of wisdom is honesty, and the Bible is just that - one unified work of God's truth breathed out on every page, with every letter spelling out J-E-S-U-S-I-S-L-O-R-D. Insecurity draws closer when we depart from God's words about who we are. If I were to ask you, "Who are you?" Would your beliefs, thoughts, attitudes, feelings, and choices respond for you, "My name is self-pity, self-condemnation, self-sabotage, but I just go by Insecurity?"

Therein, we see the root of this insecurity problem - Self. But think about our Creator - the outworking of God cannot be separated from His nature - He loves because He is love, speaks, and acts righteously because He is righteousness. You've been a believer for a while, perhaps, so you could be nodding along, but does your thought life flow from this belief: when Creator God made you and me, we became image-bearers of God imbued with dignity, worth, and distinction? We were uniquely made and set apart to be accountable to Him. How strongly do you believe in your status as an image-bearer? What we do proceeds from who we are or think we are. So, whose authority are you listening to instead of God's? God said you would continue to struggle imperfectly but could grow fruit due to abiding in Him. While this may be hard to swallow, the fall has not stolen who you are as an image-bearer, and even if you have not lived under your Dad's roof for quite some time, you are no less a daughter, assuming your belief was more than intellectual assent. God has the authority to say who you are as an image-bearer; J-e-s-u-s-is-L-o-r-d. You can trust Him with your name, but that means rejecting the authority you have given to your emotions.

The catchy song of trauma hits uncomfortably high notes in our souls; its bass-like resonance mirrors our heartbeat; it feels authentic; you know the words, but aren't you tired of the song? There are undoubtedly essential lessons there, but there are also untruths that manipulate through repetitive chords that put you into a trance-like state. The endless comparisons, mom/dad's failures, your unfair bosses, bad boyfriends, unfortunate friendships, abusive teachers, worthless/dirty feelings- do they have the authority to tell you you are not an image bearer still capable of fellowship with the most famous person on the planet? Remember this celebrity's approachability. Just think of Him - Jesus came as a lamb; he was born in a manger. He emptied himself of self-importance and even the vanity of self-abasement. He was the Word ordering chaos and filling the earth- so He is humble and beyond capable, mighty, wise...

God, your Heavenly Father, has said you are forgiven. He has said He will not condemn you and He will give you what you need to carry His name, clumsily at times. When we reflect more deeply on God's right to tell us who we are, we can move away from these mistaken names - Unloved, Lost Cause, Failure, Ugly, Doomed. Rather than listen to these biased CNN (Condemning Non-spiritual News) sources - how about following the voice of the Good Shepherd so you can judge RIGHTLY? Think of Him; His voice is not condemning, but He does convict through His Spirit. Will you confess your misplaced desires leading you to assume your name is not a blessing and cannot bless? Is beauty the measure God has used for you? Is intelligence? Believing children? Perfection? Defection? What identity markers do you need to surrender to God's truth? Who said your career as X made you more worthy or less worthy? God has you in this season for a reason, and while restlessness and weariness can point us to a new career and different efforts, we must remember how valuable this season can be.

Some more fuel to the insecurity bonfire - comparisons. And I don't mean the kind of comparisons that incite motivation or Godliness where you rightly honor and heed warnings from others. These sinister comparisons flame complaining, mumbling, and denying God's sovereignty over your life. When we desire something we don't have, we commit murder and show our misunderstandings of Godly desires - James was so right. When we don't think God's blessings are good enough, we believe God is playing mind games with us. When we nurture insecurity around our spiritual gifting, for example, we may retract from ministering the body and even be unloving towards others with the gift we crave. We may also not let go of destructive relationships because we don't think God can attend to them or us in the event of the loss. We may have started to self-soothe in unhealthy ways because we begrudge our spouse, who isn't as encouraging as so-and-so's husband. Do not strive to be in another station of life unassigned by God. You may want a better working memory, unlike mine, or less health issues. Will you yield to the Spirit or reject Him and the lessons and good works He already prepared for you IN these limitations? Remember that fleshly, self-reliant works will not withstand His refining fire.

You may devalue your God-given role as wife and mother because you desire a Christian influencer's booming business on YouTube. What are you fantasizing about? Acknowledge the idols gazing back at you and consider what feeds that wandering eye. Fasting from YouTube, Instagram, or reality shows and turning to the Lord in prayer and scriptural meditation is in order. I wonder if John made it to Jesus' empty tomb first in that competitive sprint with Peter because Peter was too focused on John and just ate dirt on the way. Did Jesus go along with Peter's question about the nature of John's death compared to his? Staying in your spiritual lane is a necessary discipline, but maybe less burdensome when you remember how God wants you to succeed; He wants to reward you, and that path often involves letting go of how God "should" be moving in your life. And those rewards are not more vain things that will take your eyes off Christ and His Kingdom. He knows what you need. He is the Bread of Life.

We get bored with the bread served and then complain about how long God takes to serve us the next course in our insecurity, don't we? Remember King Saul's sin; Samuel didn't come fast enough to offer sacrifices as enemy forces encroached and the people's unease mounted (1 Samuel 13). King Saul did what God's law forbids by fulfilling the Priest's role. King Saul offered the burnt sacrifice himself; his fearlessness of God resulted in his forfeiture of the kingdom to a man after God's heart. King Saul looked to man, to his feelings, and away from God's Word, which would have told him what to do in this situation. He feared man more than God's Word, so his fall was great when he could have been great. King Saul wanted relief NOW. Do you share insecure thoughts, I imagine Saul had?

"They are all counting on me to get them through this, and I will fail. What will everyone think? God said he was going to come through. Where is He? Why is he taking so long? And why did he "help" me by using this other believer who is no help at all right now? Doesn't he know I need him? What if he takes longer? It shouldn't be like this. I am sure God won't mind me doing what I need to do for his people. I will die anyway, and I can apologize later because he is forgiving. I just can't. I'll just do this myself." This was just the beginning of Saul's downfall - his insecurities ran amok; he became paranoid and rageful to the point where he was so out of touch with God's holiness and love that he terrorized David, almost got his son killed and sought counsel from a medium. At the root of insecurity is mistrust in God - His timing, ways, and inexhaustible GOODNESS. Saul rejected God's Word, so God rejected Saul. Sadly, Saul did not repent, and now he has become a grim example of what not to do even if you start strong. Saul could have shared this confusion and fear with God and then sought God, but he turned inwards and away from Truth. Suppose there are natural consequences you are experiencing because of your sin. In that case, accept them and allow them to point you back to the Father's mercy, but be cautious of assuming everything is discipline. Acknowledge your unbelief in aspects of His Goodness and remind yourself why His timing and plan for your life are perfect.

Have you thought about the remarkable specificity of Jesus' crucifixion? Not only did it correspond with Passover, but it fulfilled Daniels's prophecy in chapter nine to a T. God declared 70 weeks of years, or another way of saying this would be seventy-sevens of years. These 490 years would make up the period God promised to the nation of Israel and the city of Jerusalem, where God would "finish the transgression," "make an end of sin," "make atonement for iniquity," "bring in everlasting righteousness," "seal up vision and prophecy," and "anoint the most holy place." There are things God is fulfilling as He has measured out seasons and their corresponding tasks. In Daniel 9:24-25, 483 years were foretold, starting from the decree to rebuild Jerusalem and ending with the coming of the Messiah. Sir Robert Anderson used scripture and ancient history to understand that a prophetic year was 360 days, so 483 years x 360 = 173,880 days. After adjusting for the difference between this edict and Jesus' entry and the leap years over 476 years, he calculated Jesus' triumphal entry into Jerusalem to be precisely 173,880 days later, just as God promised. God was not late; He was right on time. God is sovereign over time in impressive ways - there will be a day when He shows you just how perfect his plan was for you, how he orchestrated so many events to get you to look to Him, to trust Him, to step out in faith, to love him more than the world. He is Your Good Provider and unconstrained by time.
When has His Word returned void?

If you run after something God has not called you to and try to muster up gifts He has not given you, what good will that do for you? The body? The integrity of God's name as Faithful and True and Wise? What did your past say when you tried this song and dance? God will show you the way and get you there on time as you yield trustingly. Why condemn yourself when Christ does not? Why self-victimize when you can venerate Christ whose banner reads "Victor?" Why hyper-focus on time which results in time wasted? When you feel insecure, remember whose authority you can trust. When you place expectations on what it means to be an image bearer that does not exist, acknowledge those desires as being misplaced and reorient your mind back to His Perfect Sovereign Plan. Return to your secure home base - Christ, in his Word, in prayer. If your sin has hijacked your timeline, secure your gaze on God's immovable love for you; He is our Redemptive Lord.

Ponder

When has godly regret and appropriate guilt from sin turned into the insecurity discussed above? Reflect on the "fruits" of this root of insecurity; what consequences have resulted in you embracing an Insecure Identity? What might be the positive consequences you have come to like from self-pity and an insecure identity? Is there forgiveness to be had? Godly grief over your suffering with God this time?If you were to trust that God made you with dignity, worth, and distinction, how might that change what you tell yourself and say about other people? Interact in the world? How you pray?What gifts has God given you? Are there blessings in your weaknesses? What might they be? What areas of your spiritual walk need attention in li?

Practice

Read Romans and reflect on the truths about who you are in this book. I especially love chapter 8. We constantly need to be reminded of who God is. Because He is love, He will love us. He cannot lie so that we can trust Him with our hearts.Challenge the "I am (insert false identity marker)" with scripture. We are undoubtedly wretched sinners but do not stop there like we often do. Consider God's love and mercy, for example, as you confess your sin and have GODLY regrets. Don't begin and stop at yourself; this is a form of self-exaltation through self-abasement. Pray fervently around sinful patterns; why waste Godly regret? Connect with your Creator. Connect with the church. Counsel yourself with the truth.Pretend as if you are playing a Holy Spirit version of I Spy for 3-to five days this week. Kids are humble and open; let's take a lesson but add a mature twist. Be curious, scan, seek, prayerfully strain even for God's love expressed today, His kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Mercy, Love through showing you your sin, Love through showing you your weakness, Righteousness, Holiness - take your pick. Keep Romans 8:28-29 in mind as you evaluate what is "good" because they may, in fact, not be according to God and this specific season he may have you in.

Prayer

Heavenly Father, How marvelous are the works of your hands! You acknowledged plants as good, but we are "very good." We invert many truths. When we should bring ourselves low, we exalt ourselves. We call good evil and evil good. We often find comfort in our brokenness; there is something lowly and easy about it when it has been so much of what we have known. Feelings or appearances do not sway you. You are so powerful. Your Word accomplished everything beautiful our eyes see. You have given us such dignity and honor. We hate choice at times. We are good at not making Godly choices. We live in discomfort with these inordinate desires that try to drown out your truth and distort our Goodness. You are the source of all Goodness. You have not authored any evil. You have allowed evil, wicked hearts to persist and then punished them according to their error, and even still, you sent your son. You have given us a husband who is different from any love here. There is no comparison to you. Help us accept what you have said in your Word. As saints, we struggle to trust your love and how you have allowed evil. We need help with your perfect timing. We reason with our feelings. We look at earthly things and have a hard time loving the eternal. You know everything. Your creation shows aspects of who you are. But there is so much we don't know. Help stir up a hunger and a thirst for you. Open our eyes, help us hear, and give us courage and strength to step out when your Word comes to us in the circumstances, in pain, and in your still, small voice. Help us spend more time thinking rightly about you and ourselves. Help us soberly self-examine using your Word. We thank you for how you have designed us. You have made us different, and with that comes brilliance in the diversity of your design. We can come together in truth and use our gifts for others. Help us love you, and help us love others using our gifts to glorify you. We are sorry to act on untruths and deceptive feelings. We want your will in our lives. We are thankful that you will reign soon in justice and peace. We know that your Word has promised more wickedness in this world; give us an eternal perspective in Jesus' name, amen.